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Joke of the Day

"I'm kind of scared. So, last week I swallowed an ice cube whole and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm getting kinda worried, should I go see a doctor or nah?"

"There's a spoiler in the description. There's a spoiler in the title."

"Congratulations, everyone who saw me and my kids at the mall today. That's the cheapest birth control you will ever have."

"I was once told I run like a gazelle But the guy who said it was in a wheelchair, so I took it with a grain of salt."

"I never drop names but I frequently drop babies."

"What does Mark Wahlberg eat for breakfast? Funky Bunches of Oats"

"a neanderthal scrawls a message on a cave wall, the etchings begin to glow red as he exceeds 140 characters"

"What's it called when the bottom half of a fraction has loads of cake in it? A denom-nom-nominator!"

"What's so great about nihilism? Nothing."

"[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok [a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event ""Come Outside""] what tha"