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Joke of the Day

"My credit card was stolen today I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does."

"If Hitler wanted to keep the Jews out of Germany He should have just charged admission"

"[breaks into your house] [steals your shoes] [walks a mile in them] [judges you]"

"Sorry if long post, but definitely worth the read 10 million years TL;DR 10 million years"

"When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?"

"Don't say ""lets get weird"" on our date then get freaked out I'm dressed in Forever 21 and holding your cousin hostage."

"I recently went to Israel The showers and trains didn't work."

"How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? One. One to change it and his girlfriend to give him a blowjob when he's done."

"I saw this incredible color in a dream, But it was just a pigment of my imagination."

"Women say magazines portray an unrealistic image of beauty therefore making them feel inadequate. Then they buy 12 inch dildos."