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Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He sipped his coffee before it was cool"

"New York, ""Darling, can I go out in this dress?"" ""Yes dear, it's already dark out."""

"My colleague at work said I'm a gullible twat. Who am I to argue with the current WWE champion?"

"BEYONCE: do u like my album JAY: [thinking to self] if anyone hears this i'll be ruined JAY: [out loud] we should make it a tidal exclusive"

"Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears."

"If there's a pedicure, why are there still pedophiles?"

"I hate when people tell me to have a safe flight. Like I have a choice. It's either back home, or in a swamp. I'll try really hard to live."

"How do you fix a deaf car? With an engin*eer.*"

"When a group of mercenary electric powered robot horsemen attack... ...is it a charge charge charge?"

"Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? A: One requires tweetment, the other requires oinkment."