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Joke of the Day

"A goldfish is a great pet if you're wanting to be forced to explain death to your toddler sometime within the next 48 hours."

"My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met."

"What did zero say to eight? Nice belt."

"What's a neckbeard's favourite country? M'laysia"

"Q: What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? A: Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex."

"PATIENT: Doc, I haven't been able to bone my wife lately and I really think- DR DOG: Wait. Tell me more about the bone part"

"I lost 15 pounds so far, another 15 to go, but... I do not want to get circumsized"

"So two reddit mods walk into a bar... ...ya think the second one would have seen it."

"You know, as a child I was always told to give one hundred precent at everything I do... Needless to say the blood drive did not go very well."

"A beggar once asked me, ""Any change?"" I said, ""Nope. You're still broke."""