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Joke of the Day

"I can see clearly now the rain has gone; I can *backs into mailbox* see all obstacles in my way *runs over squirrel* omg I love this song"

"For Christmas, every year, I get my wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself."

"Why don't you eat a girl the morning after sex? Have you tired pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwhich."

"I never could bring a woman into my house. At first, because of the parents. Later, because of the wife."

"I was such a stud that I lasted 1 hour and 5 seconds in bed Thanks Day light saving"

"Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop having twelve dollars."

"Husband: Let's talk about it when we're not tired and cranky. Me: So, in like 18 years?"

"Where is a pirates favorite place to shop for toys? Toys arrrrrr Us."

"Mayweather just set his kitchen on fire trying to make a cake He should've read the instructions"

"9 out of 10 people agree... Gangbangs are AWESOME!"