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Joke of the Day

"I was such a stud that I lasted 1 hour and 5 seconds in bed Thanks Day light saving"

"Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory? All that was left was de-Brie"

"They're going to start playing porn at the fuel pumps.... This is so you can watch someone else being fucked at the same time as you."

"Superman: I hate your Bat Cave! I can't get cell service Batman: Your carrier sucks Superman: Oh yeah, who do you use? Batman: Bat Mobile"

"My husband suggested I tone down the Botox and just age gracefully. And I laughed and laughed. But didn't scowl. Cuz Botox."

"Me: I've read the Bible cover to cover Her: Yeah? Prove it. M: How? H: What is the first sentence in it? M: ""Do not remove from motel"""

"I go to McDonald's once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car"

"If the waitress doesn't have a visible tattoo the restaurant is usually too expensive for me."

"How did the turtle with no arms and no legs cross the freeway? Here's a hint: take the F out of Free and take the F out of Way"

"the boss hands me a gun, ""you know what to do."" I nod. outside, I frantically google: boss gun why how to kill is killing ok regift gun ok"