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Joke of the Day

"If Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders were stuck on an island, who would survive? America"

"Two hipsters walked into a bar. One did it before it was cool and the second did it ironically."

"My wife always tells me not to take things personally, so I hired a guy to do it for me. He already stole a bike."

"How do people lose their kids at the mall? Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated."

"What's a pedophile do on a Saturday night? Netflix and chill-dren."

"A girl tells her Irish mom she wants to be a prostitute. 'A WHAT?' The mother shouts. 'A prostitute' replies the girl. 'OH thank god!! I thought you wanted to become Protestant!"

"""I kid you not"" -Abortion doctor."

"ME: *robbing bank* More like, I'm BANKing on you not tripping the alarm! Haha! TELLER: Haha! COPS: *tackling me from behind* Haha!"

"why didn't Maria go to prom? she had no Juan to go with"

"My Father was never proud of me One day he asked me, ""how old are you."" I said, ""I'm five"" he said,""when I was your age, I was six"""