27799

Joke of the Day

"My friend and I have a pact that if we're not married by age 40, we're going to fist bump and take shots for making good decisions"

"How did the white girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do an essay. (ese)"

"A farmer won a million dollars playing the lottery, he was really excited looking at his bank account... ...it now showed zero dollars."

"Whenever you're feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there's people that pay money to exercise."

"Why didn't the lazy guy have sex? Because his dick was just too hard"

"What disease do police give black people? Glock coma"

"CANADIAN: Let's watch a movie AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic? CANADIAN: What's that about? AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank"

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice."

"I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Eats Her Feelings Julie'."

"Water into wine? I just turned my paycheck into vodka. Your move, Jesus."