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Joke of the Day

"My high school bully just made my McDouble, so I guess I won; but then again I am eating at McDonald's so I guess it's a tie."

"What does an egg say when its ""turnt up""? Omlet!"

"I would have fucking loved to have been there when Mary and Joseph tried to explain to Jesus where babies come from."

"GF: just FYI, my dad teaches at the Naval Academy [meeting her parents] ME: [lifting up shirt] does my belly button look weird to you?"

"Lettuce, tomato, onion, green peppers... Wrong sub."

"Reasons I Don't Smoke Pot"

"The Chocolate Bar by Ken I Havesum"

"I was asked by my doctor if mental illness ran in the family... I told him ""I have an aunt who wants to vote for Hillary Clinton"""

"eating cereal in the shower isn't saving me as much time as i thought."

"This morning, 2 evangelists knocked on the door selling Jesus. If they would've thrown in a Slap Chop, I would've been sold."