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Joke of the Day

"When I was younger, I was told that anyone could become President. Seeing Trump's campaign, now I believe it."

"*Ubers to my parking spot at Costco*"

"Did you hear about the time that shallots, scallions, ramps, and leeks all got together? They tried to onionize."

"What do you call a gay chicken? A cock a dude'll do!"

"What did a Mexican take Xanax for? For Hispanic attacks"

"Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?"

"Why did Bruce Jenner go back to college? So he could spend a semester a broad."

"Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk. Whose baby was it? The elephant's!"

"My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I winked at her. She bought me eye drops."

"Me: Ooh, I'd love to go to your party, but I have a dentist appointment. Her: On a Saturday night? Me: I've got really bad teeth."