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Joke of the Day

"I love my husband. But, what really motivates me to stay married is how much weight I'd have to lose to date again."

"A man goes to the library and asks for their best book on suicide! Librarian says ""Oh, we are out of copies on that. People who take it never returns it"""

"I set my kid's dollhouse on fire then asked: DO YOU HAVE INSURANCE?! DOES BARBIE HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN?! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! Life lessons"

"Moses opens his tablet. The notification says, ""You have 10 unread commandments'."

"*wakes up from surgery How did it go? Surgeon: Good, your nose only lit up twice"

"Why do they call it the Star Wars Universe? When it's only a galaxy"

"Now that HBO has a partnership with Sesame Street we'll finally learn how to spell the names of all the Game of Thrones characters."

"My new Girlfriend told me ""A small penis shouldn't be a problem in a loving relationship"" I still wish she didn't have one."

"Why did the kid only water half the lawn? Because there was a 50% chance of rain"

"[on Mars] ASTRONAUT: An alien! MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so A: I choke slammed it MC: What? A: Another one! MC: DO NOT CH A: [choke slam noises]"