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Joke of the Day

"Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see he's flat mate"

"(NSFW) What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you."

"Boy calls911 Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can."

"Found $12 bucks today! Well, it was in my daughters purse, but I figure she owes me at least $50,000 by now."

"Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached. You could say it was unpresidented."

"*spits out mouthful of peacock feathers* I'm sorry, I thought these were for just anyone to eat. *gets escorted from zoo*"

"How do you tell 2 Scotsmen apart? You lift their kilts, and whichever one of them has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!"

"What do you say to a woman with only one tooth? Nice tooth."

"I was wrong about Hillary not having sufficient doctoring. Turns out she's surrounded by spin doctors."