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Joke of the Day

"There's nothing like finding a screw on the floor to make me wonder for the rest of the day about what's going to fall apart and kill me."

"guess who's still together after all these years and all the shit between them! Your butt cheeks."

"What's the #1 song in Ukraine? Crimea River"

"As I exposed my glorious chest hairs & catapulted toward the Velcro wall, I realized that I had no exit strategy."

"Who is William Shatner's mythical nemesis? The Lepre-khaaaaannnnn!!!!!"

"A haunted house where they make you look at your checking account balance."

"What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison."

"Did you know if you weigh yourself, then take a dump, then weigh the dump & weigh yourself again, you'll be banned from Walgreens for life?"

"I asked God for a bike... but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."

"Like if you remember only having 3 TV channels to choose from and YOU were the remote!"