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Joke of the Day

"""Hey, enough with the damn songs! We're all studying for finals."" -rest of the school on Glee"

"Why did the Mayor take so long to endorse a Presidential candidate? Because he was running on CP time."

"""How was the beach? You hang ten or what?"" No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation"

"My kids have already agreed to have me frozen. I just wish they'd wait until I'm dead."

"How does a Jew do the gardening? He moses lawn."

"I'm not getting the earth anything for Earth Day since it's not going to be around much longer anyway."

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending."

"Why does LeVar Burton not like to travel by airplane? He usually flies twice as high."

"Jesus walked on water, babies are 75% water, I walked on babies, therefore, I am... In jail. I am in jail."

"What do you call a female peacock...? A peacunt"