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Joke of the Day

"My kids have already agreed to have me frozen. I just wish they'd wait until I'm dead."

"Whats the difference between a wife and a job? After ten years the job still sucks."

"My kids have enough energy to run 10,000 laps around the house but get tired walking around the block. I call bullshit."

"Apparently my facebook friend, Ashley, has a cat suffering from a horrible hairball. I'll be spending the day praying for it like she asked."

"When a traffic light is out of service you should just treat the intersection as a demolition derby."

"What comes after Z? A question mark."

"Did you hear about the bulimic bachelor party? The cake comes out of the girl."

"Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby? They always turn out blurry from him shaking them."

"Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me. *flips coin into ceiling fan, it's knocked out a window into the sea*"

"Spoof Caller ID Call from a different number. Disguise your caller id, it's easy and works on any phone!"