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Joke of the Day

"I'am drinking with my new GF and her gay friend from work. So there's 100% chance I'am getting laid and a 50% chance I'll like it."

"Shot my dog 's'mornin' Farmer: ""Shot my dog 's'mornin' Friend: ""Were he mad?"" Farmer: ""Twernt too pleased."""

"I remember 2016 Like it was yesterday"

"Sometimes I think to myself... and then other times I don't"

"Mom called to tell me she is qualified to be a yoga instructor... I think that's a bit of a stretch"

"I bought a bowflex, it's very confusing, how do I muscles? do I eat it? do I eat the bowflex?"

"What do you get when you drop a Hawaiian pizza? Pearl Harbor pizza."

"I have a bunch of sheep puns....... But they're, pretty Baa^aaaaa^aaaaa^aad."

"Detective Baby: We got you dead to rights, dirtbag. *suspect puts face in hands* Detective Baby: HE'S ESCAPED"

"What's a specimen? A Spanish astronaut"