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Joke of the Day

"The Pen is mightier than the sword... Cuz, you know, you can't draw dicks on faces with swords."

"Don't judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes. Unless he wears Crocs. Then, feel free to judge all you want...."

"What's a golf club's favorite type of music? Swing!"

"Parenting is all about wanting to say, ""No one cares, honey"" 100x a day AND NEVER DOING IT."

"I hate when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years I don't have 2020 vision"

"What do you call a botched circumcision? A total rip-off."

"Oscar Pistorius says he won't be entering other races until the trial is over. I think in prison he'll have to worry more about other races entering him."

"Damn, you are so savage... Andrew Jackson made you walk the Trail of Tears!"

"You can now take small knives with you on planes, but my 4oz bottle of mouth wash is dangerous. Got it!"

"I misused a comma in my last tweet and now I'm having problems with my colon. I know it has nothing to do with my period."