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Joke of the Day

"You can now take small knives with you on planes, but my 4oz bottle of mouth wash is dangerous. Got it!"

"I really like passive aggressive people I'm not at all bothered by the fact they are giant cunts one and all."

"If people don't wish to discuss the cruel existential futility of all human endeavour they shouldn't say.. ...Good Morning in the first place."

"Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner..."

"Jared Fogel is teaching a music class in prison Today's lesson is fingering A minor"

"What's worse than fighting an uphill battle? Getting to the top and realizing it's all downhill from there."

"Do Irish people make good optometrists? Eye!"

"Why is pinocchio so good in the bedroom? He nose what he's doing"

"In order to stop all the black lives matter protests Just play the national anthem on repeat, they will all sit down or kneel."

"[me, leaving a funeral] That was fantastic. Let's do this again sometime."