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Joke of the Day

"What do Swedish people put in their coffee? Artifical Swedeners"

"Used to hate red lights before text messaging was invented."

"What do you and Ronda Rousey have in common? You will both be watching the next title fight from home."

"My friend stole my Atlas and won't give it back. Seriously it's the world to me."

"i absolutely cannot cook for shit but i was watching a child prodigy chef n was casually like ""ugh, i don't kno about that sauce"""

"I really don't understand why the federal government was so slow to send aid to the areas hit by Hurricane Andrew. After all both Florida and Louisiana have oil."

"I ordered a book on near death experiences. The anticipation almost killed me."

"You know what's more believable than Keanu Reeves as a doctor? ANYTHING."

"What happened to the guy who farted in church? He sat in his own pew."

"[restaurant] DATE: Tell me something naughty about you ME: Sure [loudly chewing a steak] I haven't brought any money"