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Joke of the Day

"I said to the gym instructor: ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said: ""How flexible are you?"" I said: ""I can't make Tuesdays."""

"What do you call a Mormon who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have sex with strangers? An oxymormon."

"Take me with you! I shout to every airplane that flies over my house."

"Mexico replaced America as the world's fattest country because we sent them all home."

"Walking up to guys with girls with them and saying ""you never called! Our son is 5 now"" then walk away....always brightens my day"

"A man comes home from work one night to catch his blonde girlfriend sliding down the banister naked. He blurts out ""What do you think you're doing?"" ""Just heating up dinner"" she replies."

"The 3 rings of marriage The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."

"What killed the Aztec? A broken heart."

"Clear before beer, and your clear to steer... into other cars or near by pedestrians killing them and or yourself so don't fucking drink and drive you fucking moron!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Cock was on the other side!"