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Joke of the Day

"What killed the Aztec? A broken heart."

"doctor: ""how much exercise do you do per week?"" me: ""um.. does sex count? doctor: ""yes"" me: ""absolutely none"""

"What will be on the Denny's Menu when ISIS takes over? The Grand I-slam"

"Pretty sure California's water crisis could have been solved with the number of dropped ice cubes that I've lazily kicked under the fridge."

"How often does jet fuel melt steel beams? 9/11"

"A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes."

"""Did you sleep well?"" ""Like God during the Holocaust."""

"Establish your dominance with the drive-thru attendant by saying, ""That completes my order"" before they ask."

"A man is asked why he can't see the Fifty Shades of Gray movie... He replies, ""I'm color blind and can only see 36 of them."""

"How many ""friend-zoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."