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Joke of the Day

"*Fakes Phone Call* ""Yes a thousand doves please....well give me pigeons and i can paint them white"" (cups hand over phone) ""I plan weddings"""

"Why were the twin towers sad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plane."

"""They say children learn by example, even for potty training."" -I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn"

"What do you call a fascist fish? Gill Duce."

"Soviet KGB Joke Group of people sit around telling political anecotes, one person says: ok guys please slow down ... why? ... my hand is tired from writing down names ..."

"[Cops have a warrant for my arrest] Cops: you're coming with us! *Plays the Benny Hill theme on my phone & runs away* Foot chase ensues."

"Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? Because they kept saying ""BACH BACH BACH"""

"Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars? ....The food was great, but there was no atmosphere."

"The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it ""Contains Peanuts"" makes me extremely nervous for the human race."

"Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says ""Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."" The other cow says ""Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."""