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Joke of the Day

"Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says ""Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."" The other cow says ""Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."""

"Do ya know the difference between Scots and Scotch? Ay now. A Scot is a lad that can play the pipes. Scotch is what makes it so that he canna."

"I asked my racist granddad what does he think should be illegal... His reply, quite unsurprising, was ""Youth in Asia"" ."

"Nazis and the great depression, I get it, Grandpa. But did you have to hear the word 'selfie' every fucking day? Did you?!"

"Sperm can live inside a woman for like 2 weeks. Nine months if things go really wrong."

"Why did the lizard use viagra? He had a reptile dysfunction! Credit goes to Gilbert Gottfried"

"[texting] -have a good day You two! *to Ugh *tpp Arghh *yoo DAMMIT *two shit *TOO YOU TOO There! :) -please stop texting me Ha! You two!"

"I broke up with my gym We just weren't working out."

"You - The food smells wonderful Me - That's me I burped"

"Have you ever eaten a salad, then had a chickpea on your face?"