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Joke of the Day

"Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? Because they kept saying ""BACH BACH BACH"""

"""ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!"" I scream to my dogs as they all watch me trip, run into the coffee table and spill my coffee all over myself."

"BANK: Someone made fraudulent charges w/ ur debit card ME: How'd you know it wasn't me B: They entered the PIN correctly 1st try M: Dear god"

"Friend: It looks like you're packing to go on an extended vacation. Where to, the Caribbean or Hawaii? Me: No, this is just my lunch."

"England football manager Roy Hodgson has just announced that he's won the competition for ""Scotland's favourite Englishman."""

"I just had a phone call saying I'd won 250 cash or two tickets to an Elvis tribute night. It said Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show......"

"Wow my pants are really loose today *skips to the nearest vending machine*"

"Guy walks into library and asks the librarian... ""do you have the book for men with a small penis?"" She replies ""I don't know if it's in yet"" ""yeah, that's the one """

"So I'm in line at the ATM. And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance.. So I pushed her over"

"Last week I tried talking to a politician about rape laws... She couldn't see where I was coming from."