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Joke of the Day

"My dog is attacking a tree. ""Bark, bark, bark , bark."""

"Nsfw. My wife and I had not had sex in a couple months but this morning she woke up randy... He is our neighbor and said her music was up too loud. We still havent had sex."

"I like mixing laxatives and nitrous oxide on a regular basis, but it's OK... ...I only do it for shits and giggles."

"You know what I'd like for Christmas, mom? I'd like you to stop treating me like a child. Also I'd like some money and some new socks."

"Two guys were walking down the street. . . One guy turns into a building, the other one goes, ""Oh my God! How the fuck did you do that?!"""

"My sons joke - if you've a cricket ball in one hand, and a cricket ball in the other hand. What have you got? A big cricket."

"So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine. It's going to be called 'Crimea River'."

"Joke: In my intro to archaeology lab, I had a pop-quiz about bones in the human body I couldn't find that humerus either"

"What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold."

"""You wouldn't like me when I'm angry... Because I always back up my rage with facts and well documented sources"" -The Credible Hulk"