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Joke of the Day

"Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose."

"3-year-old: There's a spider on the carpet! Me: Haha, that's just a piece of fuzz. *fuzz moves* Me: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE HOUSE!"

"C, Eb, and G walk into a ""bar"" ."

"Me: Happy Easter! Taylor Swift: I hate Easter! It's all a lie! Me: The Jesus thing? Taylor Swift: Ya... Men don't come back after 3 Days!"

"I hate three things (1) Posting on /r/Jokes (2) Lists (3) Irony"

"What's the difference between fat and cholesterol you don't wake up with a cholesterol"

"I'm all wet! ""Give it to me!"" she yelled, ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."

"I was at the Natural History Museum and I saw the Neanderthal exhibit. Those guys were buff studs. no homo"

"Women find me ugly till I tell them I make millions of dollars... What I don't mention is that I am talking about Zimbabwe dollars!"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. The hard part is getting them into the light bulb."