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Joke of the Day

"You heard about the new Jewish designed car? It stops on a dime... & picks it up."

"4 yo: Mommy, it feels so good. Me: What does? 4 yo: To be a gangster. Me: ... Go tell your father I said to come here."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee *before* it was cool."

"I was bitten by a crow, since then I've had the proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a guy who is bleeding from the head a bit"

"You wanna know the most HUMOROUS person I know? My Chiropractor, he really cracks me up"

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged. Credit to my house-mate for this gem!"

"My new girlfriend is amazing in the bedroom... She goes down on me more than the EA servers..."

"WIFE: Let's role-play ME: OK W: U be a teacher *I get up & leave* W: Where u going? M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I've got to do?"

"The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food."

"It has been scientifically proven that women with few pounds extra tend to live a lot longer than... ...men who point that out."