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Joke of the Day

"Online dating has its good points. You can choose your own name, lie through your teeth and you can't smell their breath."

"What's green and smells like pig shit? Kermit's finger."

"What was Forrest Gump's email password? ""1forrest1"""

"""Dad, I cant sleep."" Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB. ""Dad Im seven-"" Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS."

"Barista: Can I get your name? Me: Lisa Barista: Pizza? Me: Yeah, that's fine."

"(taken from my kid's favorite show 'Arthur') What is a sea monster's favorite meal? Fish and Ships"

"What do free masons do when they want to make a frame-by-frame remake of ""Back to the Future""? They Hire 'Em A Biff!"

"Why did the black man cross the road? To catch the chicken (Btw I came up with this myself)"

"You can tell a lot about a person.. by not keeping their secrets."

"Eat shit dude! No seriously, it's good for your eyes. You've never seen a dog with glasses have you?"