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Joke of the Day

"""When fat people finish eating their Popsicles, let's punish them with the taste of death."" --the creator of the wooden Popsicle stick"

"Before you bludgeon to death that drifter who broke into your apartment and passed out on your futon, ask yourself: when did I buy a futon?"

"Whats the difference between a prostitute with dysentery and an epileptic oyster shucker? The oyster shucker, shucks between fits......."

"I wish this cop would stop riding my ass, it makes me paranoid. I also wish he'd turn his sirens off and stop trying to shoot out my tires."

"What breed will Donald Trumps dog be if he wins the election? A Border Collie"

"What happened when the sausage came in first? An announcer said, ""Ladies and gentlemen, we have a wiener!"""

"Why don't people like to play uno with Mexicans? Because they always steal the green cards...."

"My 3 yr old puts himself in timeout whenever he doesn't want to do something we ask him to. Pretty sure he just beat the system."

"""Hey boo."" -casual ghost"

"You remind me of my pinky toe. You're small, cute, and I'm probably going to bang you on the coffee table later tonight"