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Joke of the Day

"Why cant Miss Piggy count to 100? Every time she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat."

"Why is the old decrepit horse named Flattery? Because it gets you nowhere!"

"I'm getting so pissed off with my new psychiatrist. I'm sure he's only treating my paranoia for the money."

"At my funeral I want a magician to saw my coffin in half or I'm not going."

"Did you hear that Zsa Zsa Gabor was suing the doctor who amputated her leg? ...The Judge threw out the case because she didn't have a leg to stand on."

"If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you Instagram it?"

"Me: grandma have you ever tried Five Guys? Grandma: at once?! *in case you don't know, Five Guys is a burger joint*"

"TEACHER: That's the third time this week - please explain your tardiness ME: Well, it basically means that I've been late"

"If a plane crashes on the US/Canada border, where do you bury the survivors? you dont bury survivors"

"The shortest joke about Islamic State ""Made in ISIS"""