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Joke of the Day

"If a plane crashes on the US/Canada border, where do you bury the survivors? you dont bury survivors"

"Do they make those harmonica holders but for sandwiches?"

"I don't want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too."

"""It meant nothing to me, babe. I swear!"" When my girl catches me in the closet eating Devil's food cake with my bare hands."

"My brother took being sent to prison really badly. He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone. That was the last time we played monopoly."

"What do Canadian women put behind their ears to attract men? Their ankles!"

"A construction site worker told his boss ""Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?"" to which the boss replies ""We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"""

"What do you call a fat guy who jumps around buildings? ""Poor core"""

"At a job interview: Interviewer: What are some of your weaknesses? Applicant: I'm lazy I: that's it? A: I'm lazy to list them all..."

"What does a British guy say when he beats an Eastern European at chess? Czechmate"