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Joke of the Day

"TEACHER: That's the third time this week - please explain your tardiness ME: Well, it basically means that I've been late"

"All my friends clubbed together and got me a sweater I would've preferred a moaner or a screamer, but you can't have it all"

"What was Thriller really about? A negromancer."

"If you don't call your spouse ""wonderful"" when you're on a game show, you're legally required to get a divorce at the end of the show."

"Pac-man walks into Pizzeria... and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic."

"How does Stephen Hawking commit suicide? Alt-F4"

"Doc : You have been diagnosed with obesity. Me : Yeah it runs in my family. Doc : Nobody runs in your family, you fat fuck."

"People are always asking me for advice. I finally have some to give: Make every light switch a dimmer switch."

"What's the difference between love and herpes? Herpes last forever."

"Sorry about your lost dog. If you liked it, then you should've put a leash on it. If you liked it, then you should've put a leash on it."