26202

Joke of the Day

"I found the secret to getting fresh content on the front page. I turned my laptop off and opened Reddit on my phone. Boom, all blue links on my front page again."

"Note to Self: In future interviews, don't say ""Safe in your strong arms"" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years."

"My wife kicked me out due to my obsession with rubbing different types of pasta. Im feeling cannelloni right now."

"The difference between running and jogging is that runners compete in races and joggers find dead bodies on Law and Order"

"This fellow said to me 'You speak in a odd way, have you come from abroad?' To which I replied 'Steady on fellow, I would kindly ask you not to speak of my mother in such a fashion!'"

"On a first date: Her - So what do you do? Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers. Her - Wow, that's impressive! Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons."

"Things never heard before sex, ""Wait let me take off my crocs first"""

"Internet speeds would be a lot faster if it wasn't for all the bandwidth hogs watching their cats sleep by webcam."

"the poor people on welfare should not eat steak and sea food. they should be drinking raw sewage out of an old boot while thanking me"

"How do you get a kleenex to dance? You put a little boogie in it"