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Joke of the Day

"I don't care about heaven when I die I just want to know which words I used the most and how many bears I unknowingly walked by &other stats"

"If you ever fart in public, just yell, ""Turbo power!"" and walk faster"

"How many Social Justice Warriors does it take to change a lightbulb? None, just the one black guy they get to do it so they can tell him how oppressed he is."

"Don't you hate it when your girlfriend yells out a different name during sex Like bitch, my name isn't ""someone help"""

"Her: *smiles* You fill those out very nicely. Me: (looks at jeans)Thanks. Bank Teller: Sir, could you please pass back the forms? Me: Ohh!"

"I keep confusing 9-11 and 7-11. Gotta stop going to ground zero for Nerds Rope."

"Nickelback's career is dead... They are more washed up than a Syrian toddler."

"Therapist: Talk about your friends. Me: Now John at the bar is a friend of mine... T: That's a Billy Joel song. Me: You're no fun."

"What's the difference between Obama supporters and Romney supporters? Romney supporters sign their checks on the front. Obama supporters sign their checks on the back."

"Scientists say you're more likely to die of what your grandparents died of rather than your parents If anyone sees any German snipers let me know"