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Joke of the Day
"I keep confusing 9-11 and 7-11. Gotta stop going to ground zero for Nerds Rope."
Next Joke
"Some bastard stole my penis warmer off the washing line last night... I'm not bothered about the penis warmer, I would just like the 30 pegs back."
"Facebook taught me to mind everyone else's business."
"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized."
"Money doesn't grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations."
"Working on my resume. How do I spin ""total mess"" into a marketable skill?"
"[At dinner with wife's friends] Me: may I chime in Wife: I swear to God if you brought your chimes- *my bag dings a little as I unzip it*"
"One eyed man Comes to the doctor. Doctor asks: what's wrong. The man says: 'm mssng an"
"How do you tell if someone is vegan or not? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."
"What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob? A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob."