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Joke of the Day

"How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?"

"Well I was going to donate blood today until.... the lady got all personal and started asking, ""Who's blood is this?"" and ""How did you get it?"""

"What do you call a guy who screams, ""I love you, mom!"" every time he climaxes? Me."

"I don't like it when a pretty girl with glasses takes them off, and her eyes were actually painted onto the inside of the lenses."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? (NSFW) I'll see you next month."

"What do root vegetables do at tha club? Turnip"

"Did you know? On average, people are pretty mean."

"What do you call a pirate that pees on other people? Rrrrrrrrrrrr Kelly"

"9yo: Look what I made! Me: What? 9yo: I taped 2 toilet rolls & made binoculars! Me: Great.*Holds up iPhone* This is what 9yos in China make."

"Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't cover his whopper."