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Joke of the Day

"I think this is the weekend to finally tell my parents I'm straight."

"The sad porno What did the man say after he saw a sad porno? -That one was a real tear jerker."

"HER: I'm leaving you ME: Is it because I'm too literal? HER: no it's just we're not working out ME: *buys both of us a gym membership*"

"My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60... Now hes 97 years old and we have no idea where he is..."

"What's the best part about showering with a 5 year-old? The water washes away her tears"

"In retrospect, when the cop pulled me over & asked ""where's the fire"", stroking a lighter & whispering ""haven't decided yet"" was a mistake."

"as a kid, there really wasn't anything I wanted to be when i grew up. and boy have i nailed it."

"Come forth... And God said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"If you're first on a YouTube comment thread, I assume you're last in pretty much everything else."

"8/10 black men say they enjoy shower sex. The other two haven't been to prison"