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Joke of the Day

"John buys binoculars and shows it to Bob. ""Bob, this is the coolest thing ever. Last night I saw you doing you wife"" You can return it, it's broken. Last night I was out of town"

Next Joke
 
"Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter."
"People are like, ""How cute! Your dog looks just like you!"" I'm like, ""That's my son."""
"WIFE: [handing me crying baby] will u please change him ME: ok [drives to hospital] ME: hi yes my baby is crying can i get a new one"
"What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball ? A bouncing baby boa !"
"DEATH: You're grounded! Get back here! DEATH'S DAUGHTER: Whatever. *gets on motorcycle, zooms across tightrope* DEATH: HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!"
"What Do You Call 5 Black People Having Sex? A threesome"
"What do you call an Isis execution recorder A daesh cam"
"I took a Viagra earlier and it got stuck in my throat... I've had a stiff neck for hours."
"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotapus"