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Joke of the Day

"Facebook has really revolutionized how quickly we find out friends from high school gave up on their dreams."

"Why did the monks go to the casino? Tibet."

"What is Chuck Norris' only weakness? Cancer"

"What do you get when you cross a lima bean with a Soviet? A Lenintil..."

"Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted Wife: Ya? Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works Her:.. Me: No way a baby's gettin in here."

"Why do Canadians like number systems greater than Base-10? Because 7 8 9, A?"

"How to kill a hipster with 3 words Breathing is mainstream."

"I miss you like an idiot misses the point."

"What does a Drake fan with AIDS get tattooed on his back? If you're reading this it's too late."

"Slept with my makeup and now my pillow looks like the shroud of Revlon."