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Joke of the Day

"What the difference between jews and harry potter Harry got out of the chamber alive"

"I get 9"" in bed every night. That's how much mattress is left for me once the dogs get comfortable."

"My wife treats me like GOD!! She takes no notice of my existence till she wants something."

"I hate being bipolar... It's awesome!"

"Guys, if a girl just wants to ""be friends,"" then borrow $100 from her and never pay her back. Like a ""friend"" would."

"Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order."

"INTERVIEWER: Do you have any hidden talents? ME: I taught myself how to play piano INTERVIEWER: By ear? ME: No, just with my hands"

"Girls are like league of legends You put in time and money just to get fucked"

"If hearing ""I love you"" was enough, we'd all buy parrots and live happily ever after."

"Why do seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper makes them sneeze."