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Joke of the Day
"What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat."
Next Joke
"I've wanted to have a conversation with my wife about getting each of us Segways to ride around town in... But whenever I bring it up she always changes the topic."
"My wife is: 1) Am amazing mom and a great friend 2) Still the most beautiful girl I've ever been with 3) Now following me on Twitter"
"What do you call a diseased duck? A Mallardy."
"Did you hear about the Mexican word of the day? Chicken wings My wife plays the lottery so chicken wings some money!!!"
"Why is there no 'Hot girls' guide to getting laid'? My phone number won't fill up an entire book."
"What did Sonic the Hedgehog say during Ramadan? ""Gotta go fast!"" ^I'll^see^myself^out..."
"I like to think I'm pretty smart. I just managed to get a 90 on my iq test."
"I'm not saying that I haven't incorporated math into my adult life. I'm just saying I could've dropped out after elementary school."
"I'm Rich with a capital R! But my colleagues know me by my legal name, Richard."