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Joke of the Day

"I've wanted to have a conversation with my wife about getting each of us Segways to ride around town in... But whenever I bring it up she always changes the topic."

"Here's a USPS joke. Nevermind, it was lost in transit."

"What do you call a girl with no legs? Disabled. ( )"

"Clinton didn't faint due to heat exhaustion... ... she was just doing her steel beam impression."

"*forward*reverse*forward* *reverse*forward*reverse*... --someone in an electric wheelchair giving a blowjob."

"What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian? One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker."

"Every time I pick up my phone after dropping it, I feel like one of those worried girls in movies who just took a pregnancy test."

"Wait come back, I didn't mean it when I was just being myself"

"What has two legs but can't walk? A dead duck."

"Was it bad? To yell at my gf if I should dig up hitler to show her how to use an oven"