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Joke of the Day

"Riding a big girl is like riding a moped... Its okay until someone sees you"

"Based on the amount of laundry I did today I have to assume there are people living in this house I haven't met yet."

"The story of Snow White teaches us something very important: NEVER eat fruit."

"HER: Im breaking up with u ME: Is it because I say ""Uh Oh Spaghetti O's"" when things go wrong? HER: Ya ME:(under breath) Uh Oh Spaghetti O's"

"Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day? Pupil: The school bus!"

"I don't trust this 'would you like cash back' bullshit. I'm trying to give you my money, but you're also trying to give me my money? Weird."

"A duck was found dead on the sidewalk today... The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack."

"What's long and hard? The sock under my bed."

"Me: *tied up* Guy: *hits my kneecap* M: I'm not a rat! G: Bring in her sworn enemy! G2: *tosses Rubik's Cube at me* M: Oh god no! I'll talk!"

"If intelligent people don't start procreating faster than the trash in ""Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,"" we're all heading towards a very dismal future. Am I the only one seeing this?"