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Joke of the Day

"I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"To everyone who received a file from me named myjunk.jpg: I thought I was sending you a photo of my garage sale. I am so, so sorry."

"""I can't wait to move back to Mexico."" -No Juan, ever"

"What has two legs but can't walk? A dead duck."

"SIX PHASES OF THE MONTH IN NAVY RECRUITING 1. ENTHUSIASM 2. DISILUSIONMENT 3. PANIC 4. SEARCH FOR THE GUILTY 5. PUNISHMENT OF THE INNOCENT 6. PRAISE AND HONORS FOR THE NON-PARTICIPANTS"

"What do astronauts eat for dinner? Launch meat."

"I was trying to decide on a good Chris Christie joke to tell at the party tonight... ...then I decided I would cross that bridge when I come to it."

"I am not pro gay. I am not even amateur gay. But, I support their rights."

"Who died and made you king? Oh the king before you died. Well that makes sen- Oh he was your father. Well then I'm very sorry for your loss."

"I wonder how many lightbulbs it takes to change a baby."