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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito? ME-coli"

"I went for a swim with my daughter... I felt a warm pocket of water in the waves and yelled at her ""Did you just pee in the ocean!?"". ""No"" she said ""the seaweed"" True story."

"what do you call people waiting in line for the new iPhone iQ(ueue) made this up just now"

"whats another name for a cemetary? a chinese resturant"

"Why do ducks have webbed feet? To put out fires. Why do elephants have large, flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks."

"Knock knock Who's there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you."

"Volkswagen should hire Arnold Schwarzenegger to deal with their emission scandal He's got experience with a Total Recall"

"Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk. Unless you're crossing a border. Then don't do that."

"If I had a crystal ball, I'd probably walk differently."

"What's the difference between a honda and a Porsche? Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a Honda"