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Joke of the Day

"I asked a guy if he could hold my joke for me. guy ""Jokes aren't a thing, you can't hold them!"" me ""Wow, just can't take a joke can you."""

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"I like my men like I like my coffee black, ground up and in the freezer."
"what's the most common allergy among gay men? Heeeeeeyyyy fever."
"What do you call a fortune teller that always predicts happiness for her clients? A hooker with a gimmick"
"How do you know you're wife is too fat? You're using Google maps to find her g spot..."
"I just ate a watch... ... It was time consuming. I'm thinking of going for seconds."
"Do bouncers get paid in toothpicks or are they a part of their uniform, or what exactly is the deal here?"
"Trump just said if he's elected he'll shut down the corrugated container industry He wants to make America crate again"
"I'm a magician of sorts. I steal candy bars using sleight of hand. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve."
"[zombie movie set] Director into megaphone: ""We're about to start rolling. Look alive people!"" *actors look around confused as heck*"