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Joke of the Day

"Rene Descartes walks into a bar. . . . . .and orders a beer. When he finishes is, the barkeep asks ""Have another?"" Descartes replies ""I think not."" . . .and POOF. He vanishes."

"A guy picks up a prostitute After they're done she says: I feel so loved. You fuck like a god! As they start smoking a cigarette in bed she asks: By the way, why do you have holes in your hands."

"What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish shepard? The Stones say ""hey you get off of my cloud!"" The Shepard says ""hey Mc Cloud get of of my ewe!"""

"[talking to zoo attendant as I slowly take out a $50 bill] ""No"" What? ""You can't sit in the Kangaroos pouch"" *places $50 back in my pocket*"

"It's the anniversary of the Titanic sinking. Fortunately, we've made sure that would never happen today by melting all the icebergs."

"If you type in ""google"" in google search, it shows you pictures of your grandkids"

"thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon"

"The Tea Party is the biggest case of Stockholm Syndrome ever. Poor people rallying to the cause of those keeping them in poverty."

"If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled."

"Please help, my email isn't twerking.. I think there is something cyrusly wrong."