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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I got confused & grabbed your fist bump like a doorknob."

"""Deodorant?"" - Foreigners"

"I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious."

"So i went to the zoo the other day, but there was only 1 animal there. It was a Shih Tzu"

"*Cookie Monster finishes cookie, looks into camera* ME WANT TO TALK ABOUT ISRAEL"

"My brother got kicked out of his house by his wife for measuring his penis. For the record, it reaches the back of her sister's throat."

"All the kids at Sandyhook wanted books... But all they got was magazines."

"How many black people does it take to start a riot? One less than before"

"[mall] Wife: Wait here. Me: Okay. Wife: Hold my purse. Me: Yes, ma'am. *looks in purse* *waves at testicles* Me: *sigh* I miss you guys!"

"Why did the mom cry as her baby Richard became older? Her little Dick was growing."