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Joke of the Day

"WANTED: Sanity LAST SEEN: In store, right before I told my 4 year old that he couldn't get a new toy REWARD: 4 year old"

"What do you call a picture of Simon Pegg's brother? JPEG"

"If you order a salad in Texas, you get a bowl of ranch dressing with a chunk of iceberg lettuce, 89 croutons & a chicken fried steak on top."

"Son, Do U Also Treat Piles. A Couple In Train Girl- My Hand Is Paining, Boy Kisses The Hand, Girl- My Neck Is Paining, Boy Kisses The Neck, An Old Man Asks Boy, Son, Do U Also Treat Piles."

"My professor told me my writing reveals my erudite nature. I explained that my birthstone is actually amethyst."

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph... Because he's not a full essay"

"What were people doing during the last ice age? Chillin."

"I thought toddlers were the most energetic, obsessive, and relentless people on earth. And then someone got mad at me on Facebook."

"Why is the number 8 the only number that goes to heaven? When it dies it becomes immortal. &#8734;"

"How can you know if somebody watches Doctor Who? They'll make sure you know."