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Joke of the Day

"He pasta way? Here today, gone tomato. You cannoli do so much before thyme is up. Never sausage a tragedy. Olive my thoughts are with you."

"God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round.......and laughed and laughed and laughed."

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer. I'm not sure what they're laced with, but I've been tripping all day."

"Does anyone have the number of a painter/decorator? I really need to get all my windows jammed so they never open again."

"Why doesn't Chelsea Clinton have a brother or sister? Monica Lewinsky swallowed them."

"What did the doctor say to the man who walked off the roof of his house? I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation."

"People only want to do drugs named after women: Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy (in the Sky with Diamonds). No one wants to snort some Craig."

"Priest and acne. What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne usually waits until a boy is twelve to come on his face."

"Tibet and Tiwan REJOICE! Oh, nevermind. Wrong Chyna."

"Am I the only one who gets nervous when a person @'s you with a link? Like they found that pic of you at 18 being spanked in a tutu."